In my Computerworld article "5 Easy Steps to Career Suicide," I relate an incident in which I call a client company and reach a person there that I haven't done work for previously. I tell that person that "Carl" (my client contact, and therefore a co-worker of this person) has been pleased with my work. The person said in response, "Why should I care what Carl thinks?"
In other words, one person in the organization is "dissing" another person to me, an outsider. This remark demonstrates a lack of unity and professionalism on the part of the person I called.
As you can guess, that call really went nowhere. Afterwards, I didn't do anything in follow up. However, I'm wondering if I should have told "Carl" what this person said. On the one hand, it's good for him to have a "heads up." Also, that person never really expected that remark to be confidential. On the other hand, might "Carl" "shoot the messenger?" And, does it make me a tattle-tale?
What do you think?
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Wow, that's quite a question. You have a lot of variables to consider in deciding whether to get Carl involved:
- the depth of your relationship with Carl
- the depth of Carl's relationship with the less than polite manager
- your personal motivation (in the sense that I would discourage you from informing Carl out of retaliation - this doesn't help anyone). Really, I think motivation is what decides whether you are tattling or helping. Do you want to help? Or do you want to cause division and hurt the person who was unhelpful to you and to Carl? If you want to hurt that manager by spreading what he said, you are tattling.
In general, I would say you should only discuss it with Carl if Carl needs to know. If he doesn't, you may end up being the malicious gossip. You never know - the bad-mouther may have misunderstood your name-drop, or he may have just got off the phone with his divorce lawyer, or any number of other things which could have made him jumpy and irrational.
And probably the best advice I have heard on this subject is to wait before you take action. Obviously, it's not highly time-sensitive, so give it some thought. Would you want to be told if you were Carl? Or if you were Carl. Or if you were the other manager, would you want a chance to take it back?
I know that doesn't address the whole issue, but it's a few thoughts on what I would consider before doing anything. I think I would have done what you did, except in the case that I had a particularly close business relationship with Carl. In that case, I may have waited for a good time to tell him. Timing is everything.
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